


Stray

by Kalua



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Introspection, References to Canon-Typical Abuse, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29757555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalua/pseuds/Kalua
Summary: Tsurugi has withdrawn to the roof of the hospital, wondering...
Comments: 6
Kudos: 3





	Stray

Tsurugi watched the sun sink behind the thick fog. Its nebulous white slowly turned orange, then black as the area around him grew dark. He wondered whether Jun-chan and Yumi-chan were asleep already. If anyone caught him, they’d probably scold him and tell him to go to bed, like Shu-chan had done when he’d visited The Mother—Freya, as Izuna named her.

But nobody found him, hidden on the hospital’s rooftop. It was cold, and getting colder the further the sun sunk behind the horizon. Tsurugi could feel himself getting goosebumps, but he didn’t want to leave, not just yet.

He should be happy. Everyone was safe. Jun-chan was going to recover, everyone had gotten out in time, Jun-chan _forgave_ him, and even Tai-chan was still alive. And since Tai-chan was somewhere far away, not planning to come back yet, Tsurugi was, for the first time in his life, what one could truly call “free”. It should be perfect, like a dream.

Should be.

Then why did Tsurugi feel restless, like something was missing? Why couldn’t he calm down, relax, celebrate?

He raised his eyes to the black sky, and wondered. Being Taishi Toma’s weapon was all he’d ever known. “If I’m not a weapon anymore,” Tsurugi asked the silent sky, “then what am I?”

How did one deal with freedom? How should he know what to do, how to act? Tsurugi had lost his leash, and couldn’t figure out where to run now.

He knew he was broken, only fit to be a sword, a weapon, a tool. If he couldn’t be that anymore, either, then what was he good for? How was he supposed to gather up his broken pieces if he’d never learned how?

He raised a hand to the scar on his neck, the only thing left of the collar. How long had he been wearing it? A year? Ten? Tsurugi shook his head. Did it even matter? It was gone now, anyway, just like his leash. He was a stray now, wasn’t he? A dog, or “hound”, that didn’t belong to anyone was a stray.

A cold wind blew right through his thin hospital gown, making him shiver.

Would Tai-chan come home one day? Tsurugi wanted to wait for him, be his family to return to, but could he do that? Could he be someone’s family? Would him waiting be enough to make Tai-chan return?

And what if he did? What if Tai-chan returned, but wanted Tsurugi to be a weapon again?

It would be… easier, and Tsurugi hated thinking that. He knew it hadn’t been right. He knew that being Toma’s weapon made him hurt Jun-chan, made him almost kill one of his best friends, made him fight to the point he nearly broke apart.

And despite that, part of Tsurugi hoped that he’d come back, tell him what to do with his freedom.

But what if he didn’t? If Tai-chan never came back, and Tsurugi had to figure everything out himself? What if he hurt one of his friends again, but without an order? Was it save for him to be near the others, to be near Taku-chan? He hadn’t hurt him _yet_ , and Tsurugi had managed to convince himself he wouldn’t hurt the kid, but now he’d almost killed Taku-chan’s father! How could he be sure he wouldn’t harm the child, too?

So many what-ifs. So many things Tsurugi had no answer to, and only a dark night sky for company.

If Jun-chan was still awake, he was probably getting worried, wondering where Tsurugi was, but Tsurugi couldn’t go, not yet.

He wasn’t even sure if he could ever face Jun-chan again.

Why had Jun-chan forgiven Tsurugi? Again? It was his fault that Shifumi had died, and now he’d almost killed Jun-chan, too. That wasn’t something forgivable, was it? And all Jun-chan had asked was for Tsurugi to take his place in Taku-chan’s relay race, he hadn’t even let Tsurugi apologize properly. Yumi-chan’s anger was easier to deal with, easier to understand, than Jun-chan’s forgiveness.

Tsurugi hugged his legs closer, trying to preserve what little body heat he had left. He could see his breath rising into the air in small white clouds.

Maybe he should just stay here forever. He wouldn’t have to face any of the others ever again, wouldn’t have to think of all the maybes and what-ifs, wouldn’t have to decide what to do with his newfound freedom. He’d just stay here, watch the sky turn from dark back to light, and from light to dark, again and again.

That was all Tsurugi was sure of, really: He liked watching the sky. He’d never been able to just look at it change color, had always had something to do when he was outside, and his room hadn’t had any windows. Whatever he did, he wanted to be able to keep looking at the sky.

Maybe he should try howling at the moon, even if it wasn’t visible. Like a proper stray.

“Ah, why not?” Tsurugi threw his head back and made the best mockery of a dog’s howl he could manage. Part of him wondered if Freya would join in, or perhaps some mutt down in the streets, but his voice was the only one that cut through the silence of the night.

A light went on nearby, and Tsurugi quickly withdrew into the shadows before he was seen. For some reason, he felt a little better now. Maybe sometimes you just had to yell, or howl in this case.

Tsurugi looked over to the light, and spotted a silhouette near it. It had been barely visible in the dark, but now it was clear enough to tell it was a human, or at least something with the shape of a human. Like a vampire. Like Tsubaki.

His other worries—guilt, fear, uncertainty—were washed away in an instant. If it was Tsubaki, Tsurugi had to protect the others. He sprinted to the edge of the roof and swung himself down, through the open window he’d climbed out of to get up on the roof a few hours ago. Once inside, he ran back towards the room he shared with Jun-chan, skidding whenever he had to make a turn but refusing to slow down.

Tsurugi would not let another one of his friends get harmed, no matter what it took.

**Author's Note:**

> someone let me hug him ;_;  
>  ~~Someone:"Lua most people produce their own body heat and don't cool down like a lizard if they're somewhere chilly" - Me:"Oh. Too late."~~  
>  Oh also, Tsurugi has in fact been wearing the collar at least since high school, but not in the flashbacks we see him as a little kid, so "a decade" is probably close to the right amoung of years o:


End file.
